Thursday, December 31, 2009

So, I Hear You're A Follower

Reading the words you've written, makes me wish my soul was a detachable thing I could rip out and stomp on. I don't know why that is my reaction, but it is. I've been listening to the audiobook version of Looking For Alaska by John Green. Every moment I'm not listening to it the only thing I can feel is a soft pressure against my heart. Like when your whole foot is numb, and you dig your nails in to see how deep the numbness goes, how far you have to go to feel pain. My head swims, and I dread going out tonight. I know I'll see him, and I know though we promised to be respectful something is going to happen. It's his nature. I just hope I'm ready to handle it.

I just want to say I will never stop trying, I can't. It's not in my nature.

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